Is it being nervous or is it resistance to change? I am not too sure yet. But never was it so severe. The gut tightening, stomach clenching feeling….it leaves me out of breath the entire day. Days are moving faster than I thought they did.
They say I am paranoid. I overthink. I allow it to get to me and faster. The complex web of being brutal and manipulating is not blending in well with me.
I am gasping for breath every single moment. I hate the nightfall for it leads to a new dawn. And the cycle continues. All of what I am pouring into this pensieve is oozing of negativity. They say I should let it go. I can’t. I choose to think of it like I am thrown in a deep swimming pool. I hate water around me. It is scary and drowning. I want to go to the mountains. Again.
Yes. The mountains. The peaceful serene mountains. Amidst the cool breeze, fragrance of nature and the stillness of life. I hate this pace.
I want to write more. Read more. Travel. I don’t care about how the sudden shift might affect me. Right now I feel like I am running blind in the dark.
Tha pressure to excel in an unsavoury environment will kill me. It’s not false.
I yearn for the air. I yearn for the freedom..